- A Snickers bar at the airport. It was slightly past its expiration date and had the flavor and texture of peanuts preserved in wax. It nearly strangled me as it descended my gullet and it just sort of sat there, choking off my digestive process with its corporate nougat.
- A Big Mac eaten between shoots at a Cardiff McDonald’s. It was a greasy, fatty, and grayish-brown lump of wet meat slathered in mustard-colored sauce I’m guessing was produced from industrial solvents by a machine that has to be water-cooled. You truly get the sense of America’s reach when you’re gulping down poorly-cooked American beef covered in American processed cheese substance while a doughy man with rat eyes yells at you in Cymraeg.
- Skittles? I don’t know what a Skittle is, but it tastes like iodine and corn syrup. They are the sort of miserable pellets that sink to the bottom of an Easter basket when you’re a kid and you don’t even care enough to untangle them from the grass. Handed to me by my guide, Zyrikikov, during a truck stall on a particularly treacherous mountain road.
- There was a Taco Bell at the bus terminal in Trblej. I had something called a “Mexi-Melt” that I assume is a rough approximation of what you would get if you used a heat ray to melt a Mexican. With cheese. It did not mix well with the homemade vodka I drank from a surplus military boot.
- A so-called “BK Broiler” at a Rangoon Burger King. I think “BK” is an element forgotten on the periodic table, something mined very close to hell, that they then “broil” in a microwave until all of the juices have been replaced with gristle nodules. The sandwich was so appallingly bad it made me homesick for an Arby’s pile of wet sheets of beef paper on a soggy bun.
(Source: somethingawful.com)
